Disciplines

Almost two weeks ago I’ve caught a flu. Terrible one, the worst in my life. I had a fever 6 days in a row. I felt weak. I felt helpless. To add insult to injury, I’ve just published my first short fantasy story on the forum of biggest Polish SF&F magazine and I received two crushing reviews (“boring”, “lack of proportions” and so on). Coupled together it was enough to put me on the verge of depression. I seriously wondered about undoing all the changes in my life, returning to my comfort zone. It was a dark hour. I even wasted one night on watching the whole latest season of ‘Dexter’. What saved me were my disciplines. Things easy to do, even when my body is on fire. Read 10 pages of a saint’s book. Study the Bible for 10 minutes. Meditate on my personal mission statement. Write some nice things about my wife. Write few praises about each of my kids. Write several things I am grateful for this specific day. Write a blog post (the shortest was 80 words). Morning work out plus listening to some motivational record. Prayer. The strength of habits got me throughout this pitiful experience. I knew I have to do it. Not doing it would mean giving up, submission. I knew I can do it. Some of those I’m doing for years, some for months. Each of them I repeated at least 80 times. Fever or not, all of them were doable. With each discipline done I’ve got a sense of accomplishment. I found a little comfort in my worries. I did something to bring me closer to make my dreams come true. An inch a day in the right direction. Disciplines are the life savers. I’m back on my feet now. Doing them with renewed sense of purpose and joy.