Just a little note I wrote to myself right now. In the spirit of change and growth.
I guess I cant keep doing the same thing over and over again without wanting to scream. There’s just so much more I want. I want to sing. I want to be happy. I want to explore. I want to connect things, make things, and discover things that have never been done before. I want to learn without the fear of failing. I want to let go of these awful feelings. I want to make sure I can sustain myself. I want to be smart and kind hearted. I want God. I want joy. I want to know. I want to write a book, I want to be successful. I want to help the world. I want to praise God. I want to make meaningful connections. I want to practice true forgiveness. I want to be the nicest person I know. I want to give to the homeless. I want to be fuller. I look around. I feel stuck in my own body. Ready to just blow. I want to shake the hold that’s making me slow. I want to see clearly and be proactive. I feel hazy in my dream. Only differentiating some colors here and there. I want to believe. Believe that I’m better than they say, than I say. I want to see myself transform. I want to be beautiful. I want to work hard. But know what I’m working hard for. I want to feel encouraged. I don’t like the feeling of not knowing what to do. I know there’s so much I should do. The balance is hard. I sit and I have a number of hours. But what should I do with it. Should I open a word document and let it all out. Or should I open the econ book I’ve been neglecting. Or should I immerse myself in a self-help website and learn wisdom about life. Should I listen to two hours worth of john Maxwell clips. The choice.. I chose to feed my heart with my own words. I sat and I was sad. I almost cried. I didn’t. I listened to songs. I wrote my true feelings. I’m reaching to my database of knowledge that can inspire me. I’ve seen miracles. I’ve witnessed great transformations. I know its all possible. Meiling said, I need to believe in myself. I can do it. I can, in time, do all that’s on my list of things to do. Its all in the capabilities of my brain. I can do anything I put my mind to. I want to make songs? I will make songs I want to be fit? I will be fit I want to be smart? I will be smart. Nothing anyone says or does will stop me when I make myself determined in my own ambition. As Tracey would say, I’m backing myself into a corner. I’ve had it with the way things are And I HAVE TO CHANGE. For the sake of my future and the sake of my sanity. I must improve. Because a soul without purpose will wither. And I for one will not wither. I don’t want to go through my life. Just holding on day by day. Surviving is for the ones who cant dream better. I can I do I have dreams to fill the pages of a yearbook. I shall execute them. I shall live with purpose and pride.
People will judge. People will hate. People will discourage. And people will try to limit me. But I know that we are as wide as our faith and as deep as out imagination. And I will not be limited.